Do You Ever Wonder?

When I look at my kids. I realize how blessed I’am. I mean Really Really Blessed. But I can’t help but wonder “What if? What if I had made one choice, said yes to one oppurtunity that I turned down, actully moved to California out of High School like I said I wanted. Where would I be?” But the real question is WHO would I be? Would I have kids? Would I be a successful Chef, Fashion Designer, Business Women? I do like who I am now. I’m a mom, but sometimes I feel like that word “Mom” is the only word that defines me. I feel like I have so many things I enjoy to do and never do them anymore. Because I’m so caught up in being a mom, doing everything and all I can for my children. Don’t get me wrong here, because I love being a mom, I love my kids and sometimes I think too much Ha! I already feel bad for them when they are teens, I’m such a narotic mom as it is. But I would like to get back to the things I enjoyed doing when I didn’t have kids, I feel like “me” is lost inside. I say I’m going to start sewing, going to yoga, baking more, scrapbook. But at the end of the day, there isn’t anymore time. I’m exhausted and as sleepy as my babies are. That is another time when I wonder, “what would I be doing now if I hadn’t of ever met Aaron?” I would probably be kidless, lonely and until I did meet Aaron and have my beautiful babies I wouldn’t be as happy as I am right now. Yes, we have worries, and not a lot of money, and no we don’t live in a big house in California and wear insanly expensive clothing. We DO have a nice house over our heads, beautiful and healthy children, all the things we need and most of all we have LOVE. So when I wonder where I would be, I just know that doesn’t matter, because I’m where I want to be.

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